— Author: Jakša Super-BusinessDad —
Currently, my greatest challenge and source of frustration in daily life revolves around managing two boys to play harmoniously without bickering, stealing toys, and shedding tears.
TL;DR
Managing two boys playing harmoniously is challenging. The older disrupts the younger one's play, or vice versa, leading to frustration.
Realizing the older one may be sad or dissatisfied, I changed my so far approach and handle the situation calmly, focusing on support.
This unconventional approach results in minutes of positive play.
Breaking the Equilibrium
At one point, the younger one peacefully plays with toy cars or lego, completely engrossed in his imaginary world while I read a book. Suddenly, the older one intervenes, disrupting his play by taking a car or dismantling the younger one's lego tower. It's a moment of frustration for both the youngest and myself. He starts crying, and I find myself yelling at the older one, struggling to comprehend the cause of his actions. My initial thought is whether he's inherently rude, and where we might have gone wrong, especially as he smirks afterward.
Building Bridges
However, I later realize that his actions stem from some underlying sadness or dissatisfaction. Perhaps he feels neglected or jealous. Swiftly addressing the situation becomes crucial.
Despite my inner struggle, I try to remain calm and feign disinterest in resolving their dispute. I focus on the younger one first, helping him fix his structure and reassuring him that it's not a big deal. Simultaneously, I try not to condemn older one, initially ignoring him while assisting the younger one — an important departure from my usual reaction of immediate reprimand.
In the second phase, when the younger one is calm, I shift my attention to the older one. I suggest playing together, proposing a new game without undermining each other. Initially surprised, the older one accepts the proposal. We all play together for 20 minutes, after which I gradually withdraw, leaving them alone to continue playing. They start conversing, inventing a new game, smiling, and maintaining a positive atmosphere.
Choosing Harmony
My reaction was challenging and new for me, but I realized it paved the way for a more pleasant continuation of the day where we all felt good. I couldn't determine what triggered the older son's initial reaction, but witnessing them play together reassured me of their brotherly bond. I chose to postpone the investigation for another time when he's present, hoping to understand his perspective and the reason behind his reaction.
Immediate Action: Three Key Steps to Implement Now
In the heat of sibling conflicts, taking immediate action can transform tense moments into positive experiences. Here's a simple guide to implement now:
Calm Intervention: When disruptions occur, stay calm and avoid immediate reprimand. Instead, focus on addressing the immediate needs of the distressed child, providing reassurance and support.
Positive Diversion: Propose a new game or activity that involves both siblings, fostering collaboration rather than competition. Redirect their attention towards shared enjoyment, breaking the cycle of conflict.
Gradual Withdrawal: After successfully diffusing the situation and initiating positive interaction, gradually withdraw from direct involvement. Allow the siblings to engage independently, fostering a sense of autonomy and reinforcing positive behavior.
Final words
Successfully navigating the challenges of two boys playing together involves recognizing underlying emotions. By calmly addressing disruptions, focusing on support, and proposing new activities, a positive atmosphere can be established.
While the cause of initial conflicts may remain unclear, witnessing the bond between the children offers reassurance.
Postponing detailed investigations allows for a more opportune time to understand and address the root causes of behavioral issues.
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