How to be a good role model for your child?
Knowing that the one who will make a final call is - your child.
— Author: Vladimir Super-BusinessDad —
All of us parents probably had, or still have, the feeling that we are on this Earth with one purpose only - to take care of the little one(s) we have. And it somehow neglects all the pillars we have built before he/she came into this world. We feel incomplete. Should my conscience bother me?
Listening to a fascinating interview with dr Zoran Milivojević, a renowned Serbian psychotherapist, opened my eyes to a new perspective. Allow me to distill his insights for you.
TL;DR
Role models play a crucial role in shaping children's behavior and character traits.
Parents must model behaviors that reflect self-care, discipline, and personal fulfillment to serve as positive role models.
Balancing nurturing care with authoritative guidance is key to raising well-adjusted and empowered children.
The Significance of Role Models in Personal Development
When we say that someone is someone's role model, then we assume that the person wants to look like the person who is their role model. Basically, it is a process of identifying with a role model. When someone identifies with their role model, they later begin to act like the role model and develop the same or similar character traits. Sometimes this process is called "learning by model", where it is thought that the role model is a model from which the ways of thinking, values, worldview, and ways of behaving are taken.
Very often parents take it for granted that they are their children's role models and that their children will naturally start to look like them. Some even believe that learning by modeling is the main way of education and that it is unnecessary to use other educational approaches.
Understanding the Impact of Negative Role Models
The process of a child's identification with a parent is a long-term and complex process, and it is certainly not automatic. The younger the parent and the more the child likes the way the parent behaves, the greater the identification will be.
Whether a parent will be a role model for a child is not decided by the parent but by the child.
In modern society, which is impregnated with mass media, traditional, such as television, or new, such as various social networks, there is a large number of the most diverse possible choices for identification.
Case 1: The Spoiled Child
How much does a spoiled child want to be like the parent who spoils him? Not at all. In their relationship, it is the parent who pleases the child, makes him happy, and constantly shows him love. It is the child who demands to be pleased, to have his wishes and desires fulfilled, to be shown love. When it grows up, it continues to behave this way towards its partner and other people. Thus, there is a great contrast between the behavior of a parent and his adult child.
Case 2: The Overprotected Child
When a child is overprotected, they also look nothing like their powerful overprotective parent. By overprotecting the child, the parent hinders the development of his abilities. And that's why when these children grow up, they are afraid of the world, they have the feeling that they are incapable, which is also a big contrast in relation to their parents.
Case 3: The Bullied Child
It has been observed in clinical work that bullied children often grow up to bully others. They identify with the aggressor, because in the false dilemma of "either the victim or the aggressor," they choose to never be a victim again. However when the research included those abused children who did not come to the clinic, it was found that two-thirds of them, the vast majority, still have the mentality of a victim who never abuses others. So most do not look like an abusive parent.
Good Role Model
As dr Milivojevic suggests, if parents want their children to see them as role models, they must show them that they are good both for themselves and for other people.
Parents must not be victims who sacrifice themselves for children, work, or something else. Children should see them working, resting, and having fun.
This tells them that adulthood is something that is not only difficult and boring. Children need parents who provide love, but who are also authorities who discipline. Such children will adopt a good model for raising their future children.
If the parent is satisfied with himself, and the child wants to be like him.
Then many trials of growing up will be successfully overcome.
Immediate Action: Three Key Steps to Implement Now
What are the 3 key things one can implement today to be a better role model for their children?
Self-Reflection: Take a moment to assess your own behavior and actions as a parent. Are you modeling behaviors that align with the values and traits you wish to instill in your children?
Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries between being a nurturing caregiver and being an authoritative figure. Children need love and discipline in equal measure to develop into well-rounded individuals.
Live Fulfilling Life: Demonstrate to your children the importance of personal fulfillment and self-care by prioritizing activities and hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment. Your happiness and satisfaction will serve as a powerful role model for them to emulate.
Final Words
In essence, parents not only "should" but "must" feel content in their own skin and lead fulfilling lives. Only then can they expect their children to view them as role models worth emulating.
So, my friend, dust off those unfulfilled desires, pick up that neglected guitar, and take that parachute jump you've always dreamed of.
Embrace life to the fullest. And revel in the joy of igniting a spark in your little one's eyes as they look up to you in admiration. 🤩
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