— Author: Vladimir Super-BusinessDad —
It's entirely normal to feel overwhelmed by the multitude of parenting theories and styles available today. With millennia of human history behind us, one might expect a single, proven method for raising children. Yet, paradoxically, there are now more theories than ever before!
TL;DR
Parenting styles vary widely, but they generally fall into four categories: authoritarian, neglectful, permissive, and authoritative.
Authoritarian parents enforce strict rules, neglectful parents are disengaged, permissive parents set few boundaries, and authoritative parents strike a balance between boundaries and independence.
Authoritative parenting tends to yield the most positive outcomes for children, including higher levels of confidence, respect for others, and academic achievement.
Exploring the 4 Parenting Styles
As I embark on my journey to become a superdad, I've immersed myself in parenting literature. While the quest for the perfect parenting approach seems like an impossible feat, I've come across valuable insights that I plan to incorporate into my parenting style.
Recently, I stumbled upon an article discussing the 3 parenting styles outlined by developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind. Her research, which began in the 1960s, identified three main parenting styles: authoritarian, indulgent, and authoritative. Subsequent studies have added a fourth style—neglectful. While not every parent neatly fits into these categories, they offer valuable frameworks for understanding common approaches to parenting.
1. The Authoritarian Parenting Style
An authoritarian parent aims to exert significant control over their children. They often establish rigid rules and enforce them strictly, sometimes resorting to corporal punishment like spanking. Unfortunately, children raised by authoritarian parents may encounter social challenges and are at risk of perpetuating authoritarian parenting in their own lives.
Outcome: Children brought up under authoritarian parenting tend to view their parents as arbitrary and unapproachable. They often struggle with self-confidence and are susceptible to anxiety, depression, and peer pressure.
2. Neglectful Parenting Style
Neglectful parents, also known as uninvolved or disengaged, play a minimal role in parenting. They may spend little time engaging in conversations, play, or setting rules. Children of neglectful parents often face challenges in adhering to rules outside the home and may struggle with self-discipline.
Outcome: Children raised by disengaged parents tend to experience adverse outcomes. Many struggle academically and have difficulties forming peer relationships. By their teenage years, they exhibit lower achievement scores compared to peers and are more prone to anxiety, depression, and drug abuse.
3. Permissive Parenting Style
Indulgent or permissive parents are often warm and attentive but may set few rules for their children. They might prioritize being a friend rather than a disciplinarian. Studies indicate that children of permissive parents may display heightened creativity but may also develop a sense of entitlement, prioritizing taking over giving in relationships.
Outcome: Children raised by permissive parents often exhibit lower levels of self-control, consideration for others, and achievement motivation. During adolescence, they are more prone to drug abuse compared to peers with stricter parenting styles.
4. Authoritative Parenting Style
Authoritative parents adopt a balanced and adaptive approach, setting clear boundaries while encouraging their children's independence within those limits. Discipline tends to be more supportive than punitive, fostering the development of self-control and self-reliance in children. As they mature, children in authoritative households are given increasing levels of autonomy.
Outcome: Children raised by authoritative parents typically exhibit elevated levels of confidence, respect for others, self-control, and academic achievement.
How Parents Can Embrace Authoritative Parenting?
In practical terms, many parents may not categorize themselves as authoritarian, authoritative, or any specific style, and they recognize their inconsistencies. However, experts offer general guidelines to foster a healthier approach:
Display warmth and affection towards children consciously.
Set boundaries appropriate for their age.
Listen attentively to their concerns.
Firmly request respectful treatment.
“Catching” kids being good, while making sure they know they’ve been seen and acknowledged.
What is Supportive Parenting?
Supportive parenting is an aspect of authoritative parenting where parents are mindful of their responses to their children. Instead of frequently saying no, they strive to find opportunities to say yes in positive and encouraging ways. This approach aims to foster children's confidence and self-esteem. Constant negative reinforcement can lead children to feel rejected, even when it's unintentional from the parent's side. By consciously being supportive and selfless, parents can help their children develop a strong sense of self-belief
What Kind of Parent Are You?
Psychology Today offers a simple assessment tool to help you evaluate your parenting style according to these four types. Let's explore where you might fall on the spectrum.
Assessment
1. The child wants an ice-cream cone yet the parent is running late for errands.
A. I gently tell him “no” and we head to the car.
B. I tell him “Absolutely not! You are going to make us really late."
C. I just can’t turn down a good ice cream cone for my kid.
D. I probably wouldn’t even notice the request.
2. The child wants to stay up an hour past their bedtime, on a school night.
A. I explain to him that bedtime is really important so he will feel great tomorrow! So bedtime it is!
B. I tell him no and that’s that.
C. What’s one more hour!?
D. I’m exhausted too—I can’t even!
3. The child wants to play on the computer, but they have yet to clean up their toys in the living room.
A. I explain that after he cleans up his toys, he can go on the computer.
B. I tell him that he is not allowed to use the computer for the rest of the day because he didn’t clean up his mess.
C. I start the computer for him while I pick up his toys.
D. Those toys have been there for weeks, so it’s no big deal.
4. The child did not have any dinner, but is now asking for cookies.
A. I explain the importance of good nutrition and tell him no.
B. I tell him that he has got to be kidding! No way!
C. One cookie never hurt anyone!
D. I really don’t think it matters what my kid eats.
5. The child wants to have a friend sleep over, but we have to go on a trip at 6:00 in the morning tomorrow.
A. I explain that we all need to get up too early, but maybe another time.
B. I ask, "Why are you asking this question when you already know that the answer is no!?"
C. Oh, I’ll let him have fun with his friend—we’ll just have to get up super early.
D. As long as I don’t have to supervise or do anything.
6. The child wants the parent to buy them a toy at the grocery store.
A. We are here to buy groceries, but we can go toy shopping another time.
B. I tell her, "Absolutely not—money does not grow on trees!"
C. Sure, a new toy will make her happy.
D. As long as it keeps her out of my hair.
7. The child refuses to wear a winter jacket even though it is freezing outside.
A. I explain that she needs the jacket to stay warm, so she has to wear it.
B. I tell her that she is not leaving the house until she puts on her jacket.
C. Well, it’s her choice—I can bring it to her later.
D. If she’s cold, she’s cold.
8. The child wants $5 to play a game at the county fair. I have already spent over $100 at the fair today.
A. I tell her that we’ve already spent a lot of money at the fair, but that we can play a game later at home.
B. "Do you have any idea how much money we already spent today?! Definitely not!"
C. Sure, what’s five bucks?!
D. Why would someone bring their kids to the fair?
9. The child wants me to play a game with her at the same time that I am watching my favorite TV show.
A. I tell her how important this show is to me, but that I will play with her later.
B. I tell her that she ought to know better than to bother me during my TV time.
C. I tell her sure and turn off the TV.
D. If I ignore her enough, she’ll get the hint.
10. The child wants to paint in the carpeted living room.
A. I explain to her how painting is messy and tell her she can paint outside.
B. Absolutely not. I don’t want her messing up my carpet.
C. Sure, I will just put some newspaper down on the floor.
D. I don't care what she does, as long as it doesn't involve me.
Scoring and Interpreting
For each of these questions in the table, the four parenting styles were represented in the following order: A. Authoritative B. Authoritarian, C. Permissive, D. Uninvolved. In our research, we were able to use computer software to present these options in a random order to each participant.
Here, you can add up your scores for each of these four categories and figure out which style (or styles) is most dominant in your efforts as a parent. If your highest total score, for instance, is for the authoritative dimension, that means that you generally have an authoritative approach to parenting.
Immediate Action: Three Key Steps to Implement Now
To adopt a more authoritative parenting style:
Be warm: Start by consciously displaying warmth and affection towards your children.
Set clear limits: Set clear boundaries appropriate for their age and actively listen to their concerns.
Support within those limits: Practice supportive parenting by finding opportunities to say yes in positive and encouraging ways, fostering your child's confidence and self-esteem.
Final Thoughts
Upon reading this research initially, I identified strongly with the Permissive parenting style, which served as a wake-up call for me. It prompted me to seek change.
Now, I strive to embody the qualities of an Authoritative father, setting clear boundaries while offering support within them, yet maintaining firmness in enforcing them.
What about you? What is your parenting style? Share your thoughts in the comments or DM me.
Quote of the week
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If you have friends who might be interested in these topics, please consider spreading the word. The more minds we have engaged in these discussions, the better we can become as both businessmen and fathers.
Or DM me directly.